this litol figgy is about to make a change

I've changed everyday. Every single minute of every day. Yet the person I always greet in the mirror is someone I'm still comfortable with. Life is hard and still her smile is permanent whether tears moisten her cheeks or not.

There are days, however, that I miss some parts of me. And despite the ruckus of everyday life, I vow to try and keep these parts afloat as much as I can.

chronic attacks

you continually wipe
your sorry ass
on my newly-washed
linen sheets.
the stains make
for abstract art
on white canvas
which i can never
ever appreciate.
you see beauty
born of rage;
i see dejection
feeding on tears.
and the puddles soon
form a sea of
crimson red,
each drop flowing
from my pale lips.
there is no today.
time doesn't stop
to look you in the eye
and hold you the way
you should be held.
circles are cold objects.
and forgiveness
is wanton
for the cyclist.

a shot of tequila

i need just one drink so i can press play plus fast-forward and watch my life in 1/16th speed. even if i get just a bit tipsy, i'd hold my golden globe award and play the drunken bitch to fish for attention. and when the cameras start to roll, i'd get up on stage and nag the world like crazy.

they'll never hear my profanity anyway. nobody really does in fast-forward scenes.

atrophy

today, this blog is starting to die
even before it actually got to live.
just as the writer can't seem to find the words
that will paint the moon she longs and lives for.
this is the sad tale of a wordsmith
returning with a jagged sword,
almost slumped in resignation
for not being able to see the world
for more than what it really is.

today we celebrate you

"birthday ko pala ngayon?"

yes, sweetie. and for the past how many years, you never seem to remember. even if i remind you twenty, ten, five, four, three, two days or the night before. even if i put it on your reminders. you just keep on forgetting. and you'd look at me with that dorky face, genuine surprise answering my cheerful greeting.

you are truly mr. forgetful. you never remember important dates, why you went to the kitchen, where you placed your favorite shirt, what you did yesterday and a whole lot more. years from now, i can guarantee you that my crazy self will catch up and find your absent-mindedness absolutely irritating. (i should probably put this in your reminders so you'd remember to prepare, but who knows if that will work?!Ü) i promise you that one day, i'd give you a good spanking for forgetting where you parked the car or where you left our kid (hala!). but for now, you are just really funny and adorable. you continue to make me smile just by being you. and life is just much happier with you around. and even if i get alzheimer's, i know I WILL NEVER forget that.

so here's to you. cheers and cheese!Ü

patience is a virtue

Dear Meanie,

It looks like the rain won't be stopping for a while. The sun is out and the dark clouds are hiding, but the dam is broke. This damsel is in distress. Damn. Sell me a piece of rainbow. Let the colors blend with my macchiato. Maybe that will help with my labored breathing. A solution to my implacable disposition.

But until the balloon pops, stay by my side. Make me laugh with your puppy eyes. Hold my hand even when my grip gets too tight. Drink a cup of patience. This might take a while.

Love,
Meanier

there are those days...

there are those days when you just want to tear off your clothes, go to bed, hide underneath the sheets and just cry yourself to sleep for no apparent reason.